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Submitted on
March 1, 2013
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"Darling"

You say

In perfect syncopation with

Glass shattering in my bloodstream

"I'm sorry"

Rasping

Captivating

Nauseating

Distance and indifference

Bleeding through the wallpaper

As I bend silver hair clips into geometric nonsense

"For everything."

Your fingerprints indelible on my jawline

"I was never"

The taste of ammunition

"Angry at you."

As raw broken bones

Fractured clear through the marrow.
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:iconminninnewah:
minninnewah Apr 19, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Love this line:
"In perfect syncopation with
Glass shattering in my bloodstream"

Also this is such a great and unique image, perfectly capturing restless fidgeting:
"As I bend silver hair clips into geometric nonsense"

I like the word "indelible" and the way that you used it!

The going back and forth between speaking and narration was done very effectively and really plays up the mood.
Reply
:iconcounting-vertebrae:
counting-vertebrae Apr 19, 2013  Student Writer
Thanks! It's much appreciated. :)
Reply
:iconsummonaconjurer:
yeah i mostly agree with the comments posted before me... It was short and, for the most part, quite simplistic in its message =)
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:iconcounting-vertebrae:
counting-vertebrae Mar 7, 2013  Student Writer
Aha, thanks! :D
Reply
:iconadonael:
Adonael Mar 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Fragmented and it has a feeling of relentlessness...or restlessness...or both. I'm still not sure xD

But I enjoyed reading it :)
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:iconcounting-vertebrae:
counting-vertebrae Mar 4, 2013  Student Writer
Haha, thanks! :D
Reply
:iconadonael:
Adonael Mar 5, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
No worries!
Reply
:iconebazii:
ebazii Mar 3, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
how do you
how
i just
the words here
hOW
its like omg
;____;
how
Reply
:iconcounting-vertebrae:
counting-vertebrae Mar 3, 2013  Student Writer
izzy omg <3
Reply
:iconebazii:
ebazii Mar 3, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
;u;u;
Reply
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